Though this is technically my third blog post, I believe this is my first real blog entry. It took me a long time to decide what I wanted to kick off my page with. I didn’t know where to begin when waging a war— and please don’t take this lightly, I mean war— against the patriarch. Where do I start?..... Firstly, let me acknowledge that I know I’m not the only soldier in this war. I don’t mean to sound supercilious. There are men and women around the world devoting their lives to this advocacy. I am one person, but I intent to contribute! No matter how small.... I think I know where to start. Winning a war requires strategy! My first attack will be to end “Pick-Me” culture. The battle against the Pick-Me nation will require strength, endurance, teamwork! Pick-Me (/pik-mē/, noun): a woman who competes and/or belittles other women for the attention and/or approval of men— *see internalized misogyny, enabler, sexist Pick-Me’s often shame other women for their lifestyle choices in hopes that they will win the male approval. A Pick-Me will go as far as to make alterations to their personality in order to appease the men in their lives. Pick-Me women spend their time flaunting their antiquated ideas of what it means to be a “good woman” in hopes of being chosen by a man. I mean, what year is it? 2020 or 1950? It wasn't okay then, and it isn't okay now. It’s important to tackle this head on! There is power in numbers and the only way to defeat the patriarch, is as a united front. Women should be protecting and defending other women, not tearing each other apart. We should be allies. To do this, we must get rid of Pick-Me culture! And great news, a woman found in a Pick-Me-like state can be saved, it’s reversible!! Pick-Me women are really just suffering from internalized misogyny. Unlearning it takes time. But there are a few ways to recognize the behavior. Pick-Mes often say things to minimize the value of women and do things to encourage gender biases that favor men. Pick-Mes like to boast about things like celibacy, fertility, and living more conservative lifestyles. Popular Pick-Me nation rhetoric:
Statements like the ones above might seem harmless and non-violent (in my opinion, they’re really just idiotic) but they perpetuate sexist beliefs. Pick-Me nation is creating an ecosystem that enables women to be controlled because they equate their worthiness to them being desired by men. Furthermore, dimming another woman’s light will not make yours shine brighter! If you have to belittle another woman to gain the attention of a man, FIND A DIFFERENT MAN— better yet, find a hobby, read a book, or volunteer at a local community service organization of your choosing. Invest your time into things that will better you as a woman. There’s no point in chasing men, besides, I’ve never been a fan of cardio. I first ran across the term “Pick-Me” on Twitter some years ago, but the act of fighting for men’s attention has been immortalized for generations. Parental figures often plant the first seeds of sexism. No, our mothers and fathers and grandparents are not perfect and have also fallen victim to this syndrome (despite how much they might disagree). Misogyny has rooted itself in every institution of our lives. The popular Pick-Me nation quotes listed earlier are a bit obvious. But some jabs that women throw, are a bit more subtle, like these:
Pick-Me culture is exhausting! And can prove to be dangerous. Ladies, you DO NOT have to have this perfect list of traits to be worthy of love! You do not have to cook every meal, or keep the house spotless, or dress like a nun, or live without friends or a social life to be a “good girl”. You do not have to “keep” a man. Relationships are mutual and involve people, not property. So, no ladies, there isn’t a magical list of “Do’s & Don’ts” to keeping a man. The expectations that Pick-Me women judge others by are unrealistic and can cause anxiety and low self-esteem. Pick-Me culture has created a false narrative of what “acceptable” femininity is in our society. Your worth IS NOT determined by the approval of men. If you think you know a Pick-Me or think you may suffer from the syndrome yourself, relax— it’s not the end of the world! No one is perfect, but it’s important to recognize our ignorance and in return, change our ways. I remember having Pick-Me-ish ways in the past. But I recognized how those thoughts were both hurtful, and just flat out wrong. I would imagine myself as the other women in those situations, and it doesn’t feel good to belittled or disrespected. Furthermore, the belief that women have to behave a certain way to maintain worth is just false! Battling Pick-Me culture means being an ally to women. Stop this cycle of women fighting women for men! Break the wheel! (Word to Khaleesi— though fictional, Daenerys Targaryen will remain a feminist icon). To win the war, we must build our forces. Now is the time to support women, believe women, listen to women, defend women, and protect women! Remember to stay tuned for my next post. Thanks for reading, and be sure to comment, post, and share. In the meantime, remember to support women by battling Pick-Me culture!
3 Comments
Tori
2/11/2020 03:17:57 am
I absolutely agree with everything you’ve said! I too have caught myself displaying a few “pick me” notions on social media in the past until I realized saying things that I don’t do to get guys to “like me more” didn’t necessarily work. It was hard because of the way I was raised for me to break those habits of shaming women for just being themselves. I’m happy I’ve matured and stopped letting the women in my family dictate how a woman is “supposed” to act. But overall, great read! Can’t wait to see the next post!!!!
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Zahria Harvey
2/12/2020 08:09:42 pm
This blog was the most relatable thing I have read all day (seriously lol). I love the idea of eliminating the culture that causes women to fault other women in order to gain some type of male attention. It’s almost disheartening to know that many women ONLY do certain things for men. Where is your self esteem? Where is the love for yourself? I 100% agree. I love the direct link to internalized misogyny for readers to gain more information about the term. The only thing that I would maybe add is a couple primary figures in our celebrity society who do these things as a representation of what a woman should be. Social media plays a large role in a lot of children's lives. And for young girls to read/watch/learn these characteristics from these prominent women on social media is absolutely sickening. If you don’t already have a next top;ic for your blog, a good follow up blog could be The War on Men: Accepting “Feminine Routine” as homosexuality. For example; getting nails manicured, skincare routine, etc..
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David Dorsey
2/12/2020 08:36:23 pm
This blog is very intriguing. While I have some questions that relate to this topic, I think I will ask them in person. I can tell that you put a great deal of thought into this blog post. I disagree with some of the ideas in this blog, but perhaps it stems from my male viewpoint.
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AuthorHi, I'm Shyanne Dyson. I'm a senior at Hampton University studying Cybersecurity. Between being a student, daughter, sister, friend, ally, and volunteer, you can add blogger to the list. Archives
April 2020
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