Though this is technically my third blog post, I believe this is my first real blog entry. It took me a long time to decide what I wanted to kick off my page with. I didn’t know where to begin when waging a war— and please don’t take this lightly, I mean war— against the patriarch. Where do I start?..... Firstly, let me acknowledge that I know I’m not the only soldier in this war. I don’t mean to sound supercilious. There are men and women around the world devoting their lives to this advocacy. I am one person, but I intent to contribute! No matter how small.... I think I know where to start. Winning a war requires strategy! My first attack will be to end “Pick-Me” culture. The battle against the Pick-Me nation will require strength, endurance, teamwork! Pick-Me (/pik-mē/, noun): a woman who competes and/or belittles other women for the attention and/or approval of men— *see internalized misogyny, enabler, sexist Pick-Me’s often shame other women for their lifestyle choices in hopes that they will win the male approval. A Pick-Me will go as far as to make alterations to their personality in order to appease the men in their lives. Pick-Me women spend their time flaunting their antiquated ideas of what it means to be a “good woman” in hopes of being chosen by a man. I mean, what year is it? 2020 or 1950? It wasn't okay then, and it isn't okay now. It’s important to tackle this head on! There is power in numbers and the only way to defeat the patriarch, is as a united front. Women should be protecting and defending other women, not tearing each other apart. We should be allies. To do this, we must get rid of Pick-Me culture! And great news, a woman found in a Pick-Me-like state can be saved, it’s reversible!! Pick-Me women are really just suffering from internalized misogyny. Unlearning it takes time. But there are a few ways to recognize the behavior. Pick-Mes often say things to minimize the value of women and do things to encourage gender biases that favor men. Pick-Mes like to boast about things like celibacy, fertility, and living more conservative lifestyles. Popular Pick-Me nation rhetoric:
Statements like the ones above might seem harmless and non-violent (in my opinion, they’re really just idiotic) but they perpetuate sexist beliefs. Pick-Me nation is creating an ecosystem that enables women to be controlled because they equate their worthiness to them being desired by men. Furthermore, dimming another woman’s light will not make yours shine brighter! If you have to belittle another woman to gain the attention of a man, FIND A DIFFERENT MAN— better yet, find a hobby, read a book, or volunteer at a local community service organization of your choosing. Invest your time into things that will better you as a woman. There’s no point in chasing men, besides, I’ve never been a fan of cardio. I first ran across the term “Pick-Me” on Twitter some years ago, but the act of fighting for men’s attention has been immortalized for generations. Parental figures often plant the first seeds of sexism. No, our mothers and fathers and grandparents are not perfect and have also fallen victim to this syndrome (despite how much they might disagree). Misogyny has rooted itself in every institution of our lives. The popular Pick-Me nation quotes listed earlier are a bit obvious. But some jabs that women throw, are a bit more subtle, like these:
Pick-Me culture is exhausting! And can prove to be dangerous. Ladies, you DO NOT have to have this perfect list of traits to be worthy of love! You do not have to cook every meal, or keep the house spotless, or dress like a nun, or live without friends or a social life to be a “good girl”. You do not have to “keep” a man. Relationships are mutual and involve people, not property. So, no ladies, there isn’t a magical list of “Do’s & Don’ts” to keeping a man. The expectations that Pick-Me women judge others by are unrealistic and can cause anxiety and low self-esteem. Pick-Me culture has created a false narrative of what “acceptable” femininity is in our society. Your worth IS NOT determined by the approval of men. If you think you know a Pick-Me or think you may suffer from the syndrome yourself, relax— it’s not the end of the world! No one is perfect, but it’s important to recognize our ignorance and in return, change our ways. I remember having Pick-Me-ish ways in the past. But I recognized how those thoughts were both hurtful, and just flat out wrong. I would imagine myself as the other women in those situations, and it doesn’t feel good to belittled or disrespected. Furthermore, the belief that women have to behave a certain way to maintain worth is just false! Battling Pick-Me culture means being an ally to women. Stop this cycle of women fighting women for men! Break the wheel! (Word to Khaleesi— though fictional, Daenerys Targaryen will remain a feminist icon). To win the war, we must build our forces. Now is the time to support women, believe women, listen to women, defend women, and protect women! Remember to stay tuned for my next post. Thanks for reading, and be sure to comment, post, and share. In the meantime, remember to support women by battling Pick-Me culture!
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Welcome back, ladies and gents! So in my last blog, “Who is Shyanne Hope?", I gave you a quick introduction to myself but I didn't tell you why I had begun the blog to begin with! The mission of my blog will be to advocate for women— *backspace, backspace*— ahem, excuse me, ALL women. Most of the content in my blogs will center around intersectional feminism.
Here's a quick review on why I believe true feminism must be intersectional: Intersectionality-- when applied to social reforms-- recognizes that 1) there are several facets to one's identity (e.g. race, gender, class, and sexuality), and that 2) these facets combined, overlap to create an interdependent system of oppression, creating marginalized groups-- like women. Without taking intersectionality into account, it is impossible to address how different women of different communities experience different forms of oppression. True feminism, the social, economic, and political equality of the sexes, must take intersectionality into account in order to benefit ALL women EQUALLY. For example, it's immoral and flat-out wrong to make a black queer woman choose which facet of her identity is most in need of advocating and which facet is okay laying low on the back burner. It's impossible to separate the racism a black woman receives from her gendered oppression and furthermore from the discrimination of her sexuality. You just can't choose one **inserts black girl shrugs emoji**. Women have been marginalized for centuries because of the patriarchal society we live in. The oppression of women takes many forms, including discrimination, unequal pay, and the fight for reproductive rights. But, the most-cited form of oppression remains violence against women. According to a study by World Health Organization, about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. When we factor in race, the statistics get scarier. The Center of Disease Control and Prevention cites that out of 10 black women, more than 4 will experience physical violence from an intimate partner during their lifetimes, disproportionately more than white/latina/asian women. Let's add another layer to the system that disenfranchises women. Human Rights Campaign Foundation released "A National Epidemic: Fatal Anti-Transgender Violence in the United States in 2019" which was a report honoring 22 transgender and non-conforming people murdered in 2019. Of the 22 tragic deaths, all but one were black. Black transgender women are being murdered around the world with little to no media coverage. It’s a known fact for centuries that all women are at risk for gendered violence in the United States, but with intersectionality we learn that some women are far more at risk. I want the world to know that if we limit the dialogue about violence against women or any other form of persecution, we’ll fail to address the actual issues at stake, and as a result, we’ll fail to create solutions that dismantle the intersectional oppression. That is why I made this blog, to encourage open dialogue surrounding the way the world views women-- it could quite literally, save lives. Violent masculinity is perpetuated by society upholding negative masculine ideals. I hope to write about a variety of topics that I believe are responsible for this violence, including rape culture, ‘pick-me’ culture AKA internalized misogyny, and gender roles or stereotypes. By blogging about the practices that society deems acceptable or normal, I can educate others on what they can do or not do, to be an ally to women. I am writing this blog in hopes it will inspire communities to work together to protect women of every race, religion, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status. Thanks for tuning in to my blog this week. This post is meant to show my mission. It's filled with the hope that I make a difference. Feel free to comment, share, and post. See ya next time! |
AuthorHi, I'm Shyanne Dyson. I'm a senior at Hampton University studying Cybersecurity. Between being a student, daughter, sister, friend, ally, and volunteer, you can add blogger to the list. Archives
April 2020
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